A coaching session is first of all an agreement that you make with yourself that you are willing to coach another human being. The agreement is between you and you. You are agreeing to risk, vulnerability, effort, pushback, small panics, resistance, and all those other goblins that may make you not really want to interact “professionally” with clients.
When you make this first, fundamental agreement, you are agreeing to sweaty palms, to challenges, to difficult silences, and more. It is a long list that you are agreeing to. Have you made that agreement with yourself?
You may find this an easy agreement to make or even an automatic agreement that you have already made out of conscious awareness. That would be a bit of luck! You may be the sort of person who is absolutely ready to sit across from another person and be of help and who doesn’t need any further self-conversation or self-cheerleading.
But many coaches never seek out clients because they haven’t made this fundamental agreement with themselves. They haven’t quite agreed that they are really willing to sit across from another living, breathing human being and coach him or her. They haven’t made this fundamental agreement to put themselves on the line. Have you?
Your coaching sessions will reflect this lack of agreement in all sorts of negative ways, from the way that sessions exhaust you to the way that you secretly hope that clients will cancel. I think you can tell that it is pretty essential that you reach this agreement with yourself.
This first agreement might sound like:
“I agree to coach actual human beings.”
Or:
“I can’t wait to be of help!”
Or:
“I am fully committed to being there for other people.”
You commit to this even while understanding that you will not be “curing” your clients and that many of them will not do a wonderful job of following through on their stated goals. Indeed, it is very hard for human beings to follow through on their intentions. For instance, it’s reported that 97% of folks who begin writing a book never finish it. That’s quite a number!
Maybe you thought or hoped that following through would be much easier than that, that most other people were following through on their goals, dreams, and intentions and so would your clients. Well, that doesn’t look to be the case. So, let us grab that bull by the horns and really agree that you are willing to sit across from another human being and coach him or her, even if he or she doesn’t quite make it all the way to finish line.
You’re going to lead, to follow, to make suggestions, to weather pushback, and all the rest. You are going to be of help. Are we agreed? Maybe the following ceremony will help cement this agreement?
Place two chairs facing one another. Sit on one. Imagine someone sitting on the other. Smile. Say hello. Ask some opening question like “What’s on your mind?” or, if you’ve been working together for a while, “Catch me up a little.” Sit there comfortably. Lean forward. Listen. Be curious. Feel energetic. As you do this, percolate the thought, “Okay, I can do this! This is just fine. I can commit to this!”
You will actually want to seek out clients and your sessions will improve dramatically if you internally agree that you are okay entering into the lives of other people, including folks who may prove “difficult.” You are agreeing to be with people—real human beings, your clients—through their ups and downs. This is the first agreement, the fundamental agreement, and the one I hope that you can make right now, if you haven’t made it already.
See if you can find the courage, the confidence, and the wherewithal to agree. If you can, exclaim, “I agree!” What a wonderful ring that has to it!
Check out Eric Maisel’s transformative courses in collaboration with Noble Manhattan—designed to elevate your coaching journey.
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Existential Wellness Program |
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Relationship Coach Training |
